Hi Friends! It has been a while. I’d like to say it’s because we’ve been so busy that I haven’t had time to write, but the opposite is more true. I seem to do less when I have the most time! Thanks procrastination.
The recent world events haven’t helped either. The happenings of the Watts’ household seemed trivial when compared to the suffering and loss that was going on around us. My thoughts and ideas were unimportant in the grand scheme of things. About the time I started to feel ideas buzzing around in my head, another tragedy would strike and they would buzz right on out of there.
Add to that craziness that is Pediatric Speech Therapy Home Health right now (thanks Legislature) and weaning off Prozac, my creative juices have been running pretty dry. I even wondered at one point if the Prozac was my muse and I just cut her off. As the roller coaster ride of weaning starts to level off though, I’ve decided that is just an excuse to hide under the covers as the world seems to be falling apart.
The decision to go off meds wasn’t an easy one. I engaged in long chats with my doctor, psychologist, hubby extraordinaire, and my mom. I’d been feeling well, my anxiety was more garden variety, and I hadn’t been teary eyed in a while. Eventually, we all decided the timing was good – it was summer with not as much going on. Of course, then policy changes at work made writing evaluation reports take 2-3x as long, along with all sorts of other changes in the workplace. Then tragedy struck every other day.
What had I done? Why did I think this was a good idea? Was the world conspiring against me? Was Prozac my muse?
Well, the short answer of course is NO. Using all those nifty coping strategies I’ve learned over the past few years in counseling, I was able to step back and look at the situation a little more rationally. I knew that Prozac has a long half life and that it was going to take a while to fully exit my system. Which meant that as my body got used to functioning without it, there would be some ups and downs. I had to call on my rational brain to help me sort out what anxiety was legit and what my brain blew out of proportion.
Lo and behold, they worked. Don’t get me wrong, there were still days that knocked me on my ass. Days like the one when I texted a friend saying that I may be about to cry in the parking lot of Wal-Mart. All because of bratty kid behavior. And that wasn’t even the worst. Even with those days (and the even tougher nights), my ‘normal’ emotion days are winning out. Every day that I can look at my anxiety through the lenses of strategies, I feel more confident in those emotions and my ability to work through them. (full disclosure: I still have 1 bottle of Prozac and 1 bottle of Xanax in the wings, just in case).
It’s a bittersweet farewell, the long goodbye to Prozac. It got me through some rough times and held my hand when I couldn’t see past the edge of the couch. It allowed me to learn and practice the strategies I now lean so heavily on. Without it, I might still be so Frozen with anxiety about work/parenting that Elsa would look summery. So, Thanks and Goodbye Prozac, I wouldn’t have gotten back to ME without you.
And now for some photos of our amazing neighborhood 4th of July Parade and Festivities: