I used to be so proud of my ability to remember things. Obnoxiously proud. “Oh you have to write stuff down to remember?? Not me, I’ve got it all in here (pointing to my head)”. I think I would shoot that me right about now.
As with lots of people, the older I get, the harder it is to remember stuff. Age is only a part of it though. Back when I could remember a phone number without the benefit of the Contacts app – I had relatively few things to actually remember. Sure there were projects, dates, work schedules, and the like; but they were all MY things. These days I’m not only trying to recall my stuff, I’m also trying to remember everybody else’s stuff!
With the aid of 2 calendars on my phone (color coded per family member), a white board calendar in my kitchen (with color coding to match the phone apps), and a print calendar – I totally had it covered. Ha Ha Ha!
This all came to my oblivious attention last night. I was sitting at the first game of Jalyn’s double header. Cole was off playing with other baseball little brothers. In between innings, I checked Facebook. Scrolling through the news feed, I came across a post saying something about it being a chilly night for a Braves game.My internal dialog went a little like this: “Oh, that’s neat; the Braves are playing tonight too. Wait, What?!?! The Braves are playing too??!! Cole is on the Braves! But Cole is here! No, No, No. How did I miss this? Their game is next Tuesday! Oh sh*t – it IS next Tuesday!! Damn, Damn, Damn!”
After the initial sucker punch came the scramble to figure out if I could still somehow get Cole there. Granted it wasn’t that far, but he wasn’t dressed for the game and who knew where his jersey, pants, socks, and the always missing cup were. Not to mention that by the time I saw the post, the game was 15 min in. It couldn’t be done.
Then the downward spiral of thoughts about my Mom of the Year award going down the toilet began : how rude is it to No Show, what kind of example does that set for Cole (especially since I’m always going on about keeping your appointments), how could I have possibly missed this?!
In an effort to make myself feel better and prove that there was some miscommunication somewhere, I checked both phone calendars. Bad idea. There in bright green (Cole’s color) was the appointment for Braves Game (note to self: turn reminders ON). I found the reminder email from the coach – yep today is May 17. To dig the hole even deeper, I asked Cole “Did you know there was a game today?” Good boy that he is had total faith in me, “No, it is next week”, he said. “Well did anyone at school mention it?” I probed. “L kept saying that there was a game today but I just ignored him.” Awesome. Once the games were over and we made it home, I checked the calendar in the kitchen. Oh yeah, it was in green on there too.
I had absolutely no excuses. I flat-out FORGOT about the Braves game. Sure it had been a busy day, but what day isn’t. It never even crossed my mind.
Of course, the world kept turning. Cole was bummed, but since he was playing with a buddy he hadn’t seen in a while, he wasn’t too upset. I didn’t have to zig- zag across HEB all evening, and coach was gracious about it all.
It completely sucked realizing I had forgotten something like that; however I did learn something surprising about myself in the process.
I’ve come a long way baby! Not too long ago, something like that would have had me up all night and an anxious/stressed out mess for days. My internal dialog would have eaten me up and spit me out repeatedly. I would have obsessed about what others thought about it/me and replayed my mess up over and over.
This time: I had my initial freak out, gave my internal dialog its 15 min of fame, apologized for the mistake, stressed and replayed the scenario during Jalyn’s games and on my way home, and then let it go (well mostly let it go – I’m sure it will pop up again sooner or later to make me self-doubt – but I’ll be ready).
Cutting my overall stress out time by days – I’m calling that a success. Hopefully next time I screw up, the life lesson is this nice.